Car Trouble Plus Security Guard Equals?

We have been having a little trouble with our car engine recently, and this has evidently affected our fuel economy. I was driving to work up the Baltimore-Washington Parkway, when my car started to sputter. I was about 50 miles short of where I would usually need to get gas, and I was actually planning on gettting gas at Costco on my way to work.

The car was sputtering on and off, and I was slowly losing speed. Luckily, there was an exit within half a mile and I slowly coasted down a gentle hill to the NASA only exit not too far from our house. Well NASA might not be as tightly guarded as good old NSA, but they still have security guards. I had my hazards flashing as I coasted up to the gate and pulled off to the side.

One of the guards immediately came out to greet me and I said that I had ran out of gas, and that I needed to call my wife. She said that she would talk to her supervisor and left. A few minutes later she came back and said, "I'm sorry. We don't have a phone that you can use. You just need to move your car out of here." "It's out of gas.", I said, "Do you have any sort of assitance vehicles? All I need is a splash and I can make it to a local pump. I would be happy to pay for it." "I'm sorry", she replied, "We don't have anything like that. Now please move your car."

Again I replied, "I can't. My car has run out of gas." I had noticed that she used a phone to call her supervisor. "Is it really not possible to use your phone? I just need to call my wife or a friend and they could bring me some gas." Again the reply, "Let me talk to my supervisor."

I waited patiently wondering if I had gotten myself into more trouble by pulling of the exit rather than flagging down someone on the parkway with a cell phone. The security guard returned, "Don't you have a cell phone?" "I did.", I confessed, "But we lost it recently." "You really should have a cell phone.", she reprimanded. "You're right.", I said, "We're planning on getting another one." I then hopefully asked, "Do you have a cell phone?" "Of course not!", she barked back, "Why would I have a cell phone?" "I dunno.", I muttered wondering how long this could go on.

"The other guard leaned out of the booth and shouted, "Tell that person he needs to get his car out of here!" The guard at my car turned to me again and said, "Sir. You really need to get your car out of here." I replied, "Do you want me to push it out of here? I don't think I can even push it back up this hill. If you just let me call my wife, she can bring some gas and I will move the car." She emphatically restated, "We can't let you use the phone sir." I said, "Okay. My house is only three miles from here I will run home, get some gas, come back here, and move my car." "You may not leave your car here sir.", came the reply. "So what do you want me to do?", I said. "I want you to move your car out of here.", came the reply.

"I don't know how I can move my car without gas." I said. "Do you have AAA?", she asked. "Will you let me call AAA?", I asked. "No.", came the response. Hrrrmmmmphhh. "Let me talk to my supervisor.", she said again. This time she returned saying, "My supervisor says that it is okay for you to call your wife on our phone." "What a brilliant idea!", I exclaimed, "I wish I had thought of that!" The security guard quickly drew her taser from her holster and I screamed, "Don't taze me sis!" ... No, I didn't really taunt the security guard. But I was thinking it very loudly. As I walked over to use the phone, I realized that my wife was leaving for a friend's house as I left, and I didn't know the friend's phone number.

Well the climax of this story has past. They let me call a friend instead, he brought the gas and I only arrived at work one hour later than I had anticipated.